I was reading an article (link below) from one of my favourite Medium writers when a thought occurred to me and I just had to write about it!
In the article, Tina — the writer — mentioned that she confessed in her writing how sometimes she was so frustrated that she didn’t want to be a mother or have kids.
I sincerely admire her for being able to be so honest. It’s so… human.
I’m sure there are parents out there who think about the same thing at times. Being a parent is not always easy. My mother used to tell me the ups and downs of having kids. Yes, inevitably, there are downs too.
It’s not always rainbow, unicorns and butterflies. It’s not always laughter, giggles and cuteness.
It’s also the rock-and-roll crying in the middle of the night (or at 4AM in the morning right before your 6AM alarm clock). It’s having to take a little child with short attention span almost everywhere you go (it’s really difficult). It’s random tiny bursts of tantrums spread out throughout the whole day.
I don’t have children of my own yet. But how do I know?
My youngest brother was borne when I was in high school.
Yep. We have 11 years age gap between us. So I know (roughly) how it is.
Many people asked me how did I have such an amazing relationship with my mother. We were basically like friends! And seriously, I could tell her everything and I’m not even exaggerating (this is every mother and daughter’s dream comes true).
How did we do it?
First of all, I had a wonderful, understanding, open-minded mother, who was willing to really listen. This fact itself, has made it so much easier for me to connect with her. She rarely judged (she did at times, she’s human), she gave advices and suggestions but didn’t force me to comply, and the most important thing, she gave me space and room to breathe, to explore and to simply… live.
Secondly, I try my very very best to see her as a person. Not as a mother, just as a… person. It really makes all the difference.
Very often we see our parents as some sort of superhuman (they are, most of the time) and we scrutinize every single little thing they do. Forgetting that they are just like us.
Once upon a time, they were children too. Once upon a time, they were teenagers too. Once upon a time, they were us.
There are many parenting books out there these days. But I really don’t think that there is a manual for parenting. There are too many variables involved. A human after all, is a very complex being.
I truly admire parents who are open and honest about their feelings. Raising a human being, trying to mould them into a decent person who will make positive contribution to the society in the future, is NOT easy. The world can be a very difficult place to live nowadays.
So, if you’re a parent and you’re frustrated with your child, well, share your stories with someone. It’s okay to be completely honest.
It’s okay to be human.
Just because you’re a father or a mother, doesn’t mean you’re not simply… you.
If the person you’re being honest about your feelings with judge you, well, at least you know who loves you for who you truly are and who only loves the ideas of you that they create in their heads.
That being said, I want all of you parents out there who are reading this to know: YOU ARE AMAZING, WONDERFUL, SUPER HUMAN BEINGS!
Just because you have emotions like frustration or exasperation, DOESN’T mean you’re a terrible parent! It just makes you human!
Thank you for reading, thank you for being you and thank you for raising a better generation to create a better future!